Mental Health 4: My Body
Hello my beautiful friends!
As mentioned, I will be writing mainly mental health posts throughout October. Today's post is about my body. Whilst I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, I feel most people experience some form of body dysmorphia during their lifetime. I have decided to talk about my own experience to hopefully help those with similar feelings. As stated in previous posts, I am not a doctor nor a counsellor, so I am not in any position to advise people regarding their mental well-being. Through this post and my other posts in this mental health series, including those throughout October, I am simply sharing my own personal experience and what I have learnt through this.
Let's start with Year 7. I was 11 years old when I first remember developing an awareness of my weight and what my body looked like in comparison to other people's bodies. During this time, I was rather thin for three main reasons: 1) I was having a growth spurt, 2) the vomiting symptom of my anxiety was rather severe and 3) I was very active because I danced a lot. A vivid memory I have is of a girl in upper school commenting on her own "flat bum", which may sound hilarious, but this is when I began looking at my own body negatively for the first time.
In Year 8, I became aware of how my body looked and what my weight was. I was still rather skinny during this time. I remember doing 30 day ab challenges and starting to wear crop tops. I did develop some sort of six pack through doing the ab challenges. I did 30 day squat and leg challenges too as I developed an awareness for how "flabby" my legs were.
I began "putting on weight" during Year 9 as I developed symptoms of depression for the first time, which included overeating. During this time, I was unaware of how much weight I was gaining. I gained around 8kg in total, which may not sound much, but it became a big deal.
It was during the Easter holidays of Year 9 that I gained an awareness for the weight I had gained. This is when I started restricting my eating. I only ate "healthy" foods, skipped lunch at school and downloaded a calorie tracker. I started weighing my food so I'd input the correct number of calories. This unhealthy obsession fluctuated until around the end of Year 10 when I met my (now ex-)boyfriend and became happy with my body because I felt that my ex-boyfriend accepted it.
Despite being a toxic relationship, I developed a love for my body during this time. The relationship ended during the Year 11 summer holiday. Since then, I have experienced fluctuations in my weight and body positivity, but generally I eat well (I eat healthily, but probably indulge too much sometimes) and I do regular exercise. Whilst I still do not accept my body all the time, my body positivity is probably at its best.
As mentioned briefly throughout the post, the main thing that helps my body positivity, weight and mental well being is running. I try to run every evening and I only run as much as I want to run, which is usually around 6km, but this does vary. This keeps my weight fairly stable, even if I'm eating more "unhealthy" foods, and just generally reduces stress and helps my mental health.
I've covered everything that I remember in this post. If you're comfortable, I'd love you to share your own story with me, in the comments, on Instagram, with a family member and/or with a friend. I think it's so important to share our experiences to help those struggling with this issue. I hope this has helped someone and feel free to reach out to me. 💕
As mentioned, I will be writing mainly mental health posts throughout October. Today's post is about my body. Whilst I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, I feel most people experience some form of body dysmorphia during their lifetime. I have decided to talk about my own experience to hopefully help those with similar feelings. As stated in previous posts, I am not a doctor nor a counsellor, so I am not in any position to advise people regarding their mental well-being. Through this post and my other posts in this mental health series, including those throughout October, I am simply sharing my own personal experience and what I have learnt through this.
Let's start with Year 7. I was 11 years old when I first remember developing an awareness of my weight and what my body looked like in comparison to other people's bodies. During this time, I was rather thin for three main reasons: 1) I was having a growth spurt, 2) the vomiting symptom of my anxiety was rather severe and 3) I was very active because I danced a lot. A vivid memory I have is of a girl in upper school commenting on her own "flat bum", which may sound hilarious, but this is when I began looking at my own body negatively for the first time.
In Year 8, I became aware of how my body looked and what my weight was. I was still rather skinny during this time. I remember doing 30 day ab challenges and starting to wear crop tops. I did develop some sort of six pack through doing the ab challenges. I did 30 day squat and leg challenges too as I developed an awareness for how "flabby" my legs were.
I began "putting on weight" during Year 9 as I developed symptoms of depression for the first time, which included overeating. During this time, I was unaware of how much weight I was gaining. I gained around 8kg in total, which may not sound much, but it became a big deal.
It was during the Easter holidays of Year 9 that I gained an awareness for the weight I had gained. This is when I started restricting my eating. I only ate "healthy" foods, skipped lunch at school and downloaded a calorie tracker. I started weighing my food so I'd input the correct number of calories. This unhealthy obsession fluctuated until around the end of Year 10 when I met my (now ex-)boyfriend and became happy with my body because I felt that my ex-boyfriend accepted it.
Despite being a toxic relationship, I developed a love for my body during this time. The relationship ended during the Year 11 summer holiday. Since then, I have experienced fluctuations in my weight and body positivity, but generally I eat well (I eat healthily, but probably indulge too much sometimes) and I do regular exercise. Whilst I still do not accept my body all the time, my body positivity is probably at its best.
As mentioned briefly throughout the post, the main thing that helps my body positivity, weight and mental well being is running. I try to run every evening and I only run as much as I want to run, which is usually around 6km, but this does vary. This keeps my weight fairly stable, even if I'm eating more "unhealthy" foods, and just generally reduces stress and helps my mental health.
I've covered everything that I remember in this post. If you're comfortable, I'd love you to share your own story with me, in the comments, on Instagram, with a family member and/or with a friend. I think it's so important to share our experiences to help those struggling with this issue. I hope this has helped someone and feel free to reach out to me. 💕
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